I was reading through one my works in progress a few days ago and noticed the expression, "My mum...."  I didn't intended to write it that way, didn't know that I had, and didn't change it.  As you may or may not know, mum is largely British usage, whereas we on my side of the pond usually say, "mom."

Being the science fiction and fantasy geek that I am, I spend far too many hours on SFF Chronicles.  And being a board hosted in the UK, I am frequently beset with UK spelling.  I'm not sure to what degree that constitutes a problem because, as some of you might have noticed if you follow me on Facebook, I have, for some time, had a habit of lapsing into British spelling without apparent provocation.  (I probably won't here, at least by accident, because the subject is at the forefront of my consciousness.)

Now one might argue that since we call this the English language that we could give some cognizance to how the English spell things.  Yet on the other had, when looking up etymologies, one often finds that the American spelling is older.  I don't know what to make of that.  But regardless of dictionary arguments, there are many cases where I can't help but be convinced deep in my soul that we Americans have it all wrong.  It just seemed time for a blog entry on this topic.

Let's start with the non-negotiable.

1. Prologue, epilogue, dialogue.  PROLOG is a programming language, dialog is a box, and epilog is ... I don't know ... just tacky.  I'm sorry.  I have one series of novels that have prologues and epilogues.  They do not have prologs and epilogs, and I doubt that I'll ever write a novel that does.  Likewise, internally, they have dialogues.  If I ever refer to a dialog, it is simply a case of my American spell-checker not knowing it is supposed to flag it.

2. Storey (plural storeys) are the levels of a building.  I live in a two-storey house.  I will never live in a three-story house, because I'll always have many more stories in it than that.  It is my understanding that in the UK, storey applies to both usages (eager for clarification from British friends on this), and that it is common in Canada to distinguish them as I do.  Just because my web host is Canadian does not mean that I am; I've spent more time in Europe than I have there.

3. Axe and adze.  I have no idea what an ax or an adz is.

Negotiable:

3. -ise vs -ize.  This is the case where I most frequently lapse into a "foreign" spelling without realising (sic) it.  First of all, let me say that America is nuts on this matter.  We write surprise but criticize, the former of which is incalculably inane because that thing you win is a prize and not a prise.  Why, oh, why do we have to learn which is which, and how do we expect school children to make sense of all this?  Even though I've been speaking this language for almost 60 years, I still have to stop and think which ending to use.  Perhaps that is why I just sometimes default to -ise and not worry about it, because at least to a spell-checker somewhere, it is correct.

4. -o vs -ou.  This one is variable.  Mould is the simple eukaryote that grows on your bread, moulding is that strip of wood (or, heaven forbid, plastic) that runs along your wall.  Mold is what you use for casting.  I don't care much one way or another about favor vs favour (and have been known to write favourite without thinking about it),but colour seems wrong.  Maybe that comes from the following conversation I one had with a 4-year-old in Italy:

Gessica: La dirà i colori.

I: In englese o italiano?

Gessica (giving me a look like I'm nuts): Italiano!

I: Va bene.

Gessica:  Rosso, blu, bianco, nero...

See?  No u in their version!  It's colore.

However, this is a good point to throw in a comment.  I've had friends in the UK point out that's it's the English language not the American language, and that if Americans want to change it, then they have better not call it English, anymore.  That sounds fair enough on the surface, but given that -o is the older spelling, it might be that the British changed it, and not us.   So, how about those petunias?

5. -ence vs -ense.  And this is the worst of the lot (see comments below).  Very often, I can't remember which one to use, and unless I'm on the computer with a spell-checker handy, I can be genuinely lost.  Let's see.  It's fence, so it can't be defence, it has to be defense.  Is that right?  See, I had to rely on the spell-checker writing this very post.  Problems like this one make you feel like you're always sitting on de-fence (pun; sorry).

6. -er vs -re.  I rarely ever write -re unless it's on purpose, but I'm open either way.  I have argued repeatedly, though it can take some time to find vindication from phonologists, but r is the verb here and the e is silent.  That being the case, we don't need the e at all and you can put it anyplace you please.  Interestingly, though, when one one looks at other languages (take Russian this time) the word is центр (tsentr) with no silent vowel at all.

7. -am vs -amme.  You'll never see me writing programme by accident, but I really don't care.  It doesn't bother me to read it that way.

8. Grey vs gray.  Actually, grey seems more sophisticated.  I remember as a kid wondering why the word was spelled either way, and settled on grey for my own use.  It rather stuck, and even my American spell-checker is quite happy with it.  Even today, gray is borderline crass.

9. It should be pyjamas, not pajamas given that the former more accurately reflects the originating Urdu/Hindi.  I've written pajamas my whole life, but I'm open to making a change.

Now, where the UK is flat out wrong:

10. It's naïveté, not naivety.  This might be the wrong thing to say on the north side of the Channel, but respect the French.  I read a blog post by a man from Ireland who criticised (sic) Americans for pronouncing filet as fi-LAY.  He argued, you're not French so stop trying to act like you are.  I don't follow his argument.  I may not be French, but the word is, and so we ought to pronounce it as such.  I will reconsider his argument when he is able to demonstrate to my satisfaction that he routinely pronounces rendezvous as REN-dez-vowse.

Oh, those are probably enough examples.  Overall, it seems to me that the UK has a slight lead in getting it "right," though I will confess that "right" is a matter of perspective.  Furthermore, had I mentioned gaol and kerb, it might have shifted the win the other way.  Those spellings just give me the creeps.

But while I'm at it, I thought I'd mention a a few words, not spellings, that the British use and that I feel we miss out on here in America.  I'll not define any of them for American readers, so as not to ruin the sheer joy of looking them up.

1. git.  I'll have you know that I learned this word from neither Dr. Who nor Harry Potter.  I learned it from the software version control system of the same name.  Its creator, Linus Torvalds, better known for his namesake operating system, linux, described the name by saying that he was one (a git, that is) and that by being one, was arrogant enough to want to name things after himself.  Now, I did learn prat from Harry Potter and blaggard from Dr. Who (Tom Baker, I'm pretty sure).

2. kerfuffle.  This is a fine word, an elegant word, which I've known for many years.  It's virtual absence in America is a blight across the land.

3. loo.  I don't know; I just like this word.

4. the lot.  This one, too.  It's a phrase that comes out of my mouth fairly often and frequently seems both more fluid and effective than American parallels.

5. snog.  Ah!  Could be my favorite!

I'm sure there are more, but they're not coming to me at the moment. If they do, perhaps I'll post them as comments.  Just don't go to London and call it a "fanny pack!"

So let me know.  Am I a traitor to American spelling?